Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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