In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
