oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
