Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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