Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
