drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize