The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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