Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
