At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
