How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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