We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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