he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
