how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pants are for mortals
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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