Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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