i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
