Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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