And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
