they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there is glitter all over my balls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
