what day is it and did you see me today?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
