apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
