mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
