WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
