I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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