dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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