i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
