I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize