I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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