I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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