Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
