This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize