Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
