I'm so fucking centered right now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
