Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
