just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize