At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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