maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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