I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
