I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
