Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
