moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
