I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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