What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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