You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
