just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
