the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was like eating out sand paper
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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