i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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