My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize