Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
