so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
