I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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