So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize