I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
