i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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