Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
