OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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