Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
