the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
