im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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