never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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