she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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