After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
