I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize