my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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