Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
