Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
