my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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