We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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