at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
