my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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