then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
