you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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