shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
